Lucy – child hair pulling

Coping with tric and depression

I started to pull my hair out when I was 11 when I started high school.

I used to sit with a girl in maths who once told me that if you had split ends then you were dirty and no one would like you. I knew that my long, thick red hair had split ends. I went home that night and pulled out every single split end out that I could find.

It hurt to start with but after a while it was numb. I didn’t sit with that girl again, I would just sit on my own at the back of the class with a pile of hair mounting infront of me. My parting became over an inch wide and I had two bald spots behind my ears.

I pulled for years, it wasn’t just about split ends anymore, it was a nasty habit that I couldn’t shift. I would stare at other people’s hair and see split ends and long to grab them and rip it out of their heads, the urges were unbelievable.

When I was 16 I suffered from intense depression until i was around 20, this was following the deaths of my elder brother from a car accident, my neice from pneumonia, my step mum from cancer, my grandma from heart failure and then my dad from suicide.

I pulled so much my head hurt.

I tried dying my hair a different, darker colour, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to see the spilt ends. It didn’t work. I had my hair cut short so I couldn’t pull it, it still hasn’t worked.

I am 21 now and I pull my hair for on average 3 hours a day solid. I sometimes go into “trance” for an hour at a time just pulling my hair out and if it’s not split, then I will split it to try and justify my pulling it out.

I don’t generally care who I do it in front of, I just do it and anyone that tries to stop me gets shouted at or hit.

There is hair everywhere I go, on the floor, in my bed, in my university books even in my food. I have broken two vacuums. I don’t want to stop, but I do want to stop. I really do want to stop.

I see a counsellor for my depression who has just ignored my hair pulling confession, she says there are more important things to concentrate on, not sure what though.

I am not sure how it really affects me, I am studying for a university degree, I am engaged to a person who loves me very much but I want to stop pulling for me. I hate the feeling of the urge and I fear that if I don’t satisfy the urge I will let it out in a different more harmful way. I can’t see how anything can work; the urges are just so powerful.


Lancashire, England

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Accounts of people with trichotillomania

The BFRB blogs and experiences described in this section may be disturbing so don’t read on unless you’re sure you are up to it.

how can I stop pulling my hair out

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Anne Angela Annette
Athena Caillin Caroline
Carrie Cathy Christine
Clarkie Cleo Donna
Ellen Faith H
Holly Iris Jan
Jane Jason Jayne
Jess Jo Joanna
Joanne Kat Kati
Kristina Krystal Laura
Lisa Lisa W Louise
Lucy Mairen Mike
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Robin Sandy Sara
Shannon Terri Tracey
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