Well, I first discovered my habit when I was in math at the age of 14. I looked down at my algebra notes and to my complete surprise every last one of my bangs were laying crumpled on the paper. When I asked to go to the bathroom, everyone had a good look before I did to see me already going bald.
I wasn’t ready for that.
I accept it now 4 years later, and so did my school. They allowed me to wear a beanie (a snow cap) during school to help minimize the pulling. I had little problem telling people why I wore the hat, but most didn’t ask; I think they all thought I had cancer. That’s what my friend said. I didn’t mind though, it’s not a bad thing, I just have different habits than others.
I have been seeing a number of different doctors and trying many different meds, but none have worked. Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Anafranil, Effexor, and Xanax. Xanax really helped me, but that doesn’t mean it will help anyone else. I believe it depends on the make of the individual’s brain.
Sadly, I had to quit using my miracle drug due to my onset of severe panic attacks. They occurred up to 8 times a day and I was useless. The Xanax worked, but was too much for my body. If I was to miss a dose, I could have died from a seizure or a stroke. Well, everyone also knows Xanax is proven to make you stupid, right? Nope, I sure didn’t. I failed my first semester of college. Yep, me, a straight A student. To say the least, Xanax was only a nice dream.
So, currently I am on Effexor. With this medicine my hair pulling returned. I have told my friends about my habit, but in return from their lack of understanding they yell and slap my hands every time I begin to pull hair. It doesn’t help. I only get more upset, want to cry, yell at them and then walk away into my own corner and pull at my will.
The beanie is a wise suggestion. It is a good solution for school, TV and while in the car. Plus it hides all my bald spots. I am still trying to control my habit, but I have learned to not try and stop it. Stopping it would make me feel like I have lost a part of my history and a part of myself. But I do wish it to stop though. I would like it to gently fade away. Thanks for hearing me out,
Angela MIkeska -18
