Am I Different
By Rachel, Trichotillomania Support Volunteer

I have also suffered and still suffer from anxiety, but I don’t understand what my ‘triggers’ are. Why do I can feel fine one minute and not the next? I’ve had to learn how to make myself feel better. This can best be described as my SAFETY BLANKET. As silly as it sounds, for me my safety blanket was a plastic bag that I would carry everywhere with me. As long as I had a plastic bag with me (normally hidden inside a normal bag, so only I would know) I felt safe and calm. I felt as if I didn’t have to worry about confined spaces. To me, even a bus or any form of public transport was a confined space. I would avoid eating in public, the cinema, shopping — everything a normal teenage girl wanted to do. My anxiety was taking over my life. I didn’t reach out to anyone which made it worse because I was keeping all my bad feelings and worries to myself and going over and over them.

Finally, I couldn’t hide my behaviours anymore because my anxiety reached boiling point on a family holiday. I wasn’t eating, I was being quiet all the time and I was constantly heaving and ready to be sick. Then one day me and my family went to a shopping centre and entered the food court. I started heaving and panicking and crying and ran to the toilet. My mum chased after me and was begging me to tell her what was wrong but I didn’t know. I felt like I was weird and she wouldn’t understand so I remained locked in the toilet for half an hour crying and shaking. When I finally came out my dad took my hand and led me outside the food court. He then put his hands on my shoulders, told me to look him in the eye and just BREATHE.