I was seven when I first pulled out my eyelashes
I remember doing it without thinking; just a tiny pull, then another. It felt strange, but somehow good at the same time. I didn't know why I did it. Only that I couldn't stop. Now I know the reason is I had something called trichotillomania.
At school I was well behaved. I hated making mistakes. I'd wake up in the night dreaming that I read something aloud wrongly. Pulling became my secret way of staying quiet, running under the radar.
"Reading other people's stories made me feel less alone. It showed me that recovery is possible."
Caroline
Now 16
Keeping it Secret
I tried so hard to hide it. I would pull before school, check in the mirror and hope no one noticed the gaps. I numbed myself to the feelings of looking peculiar to my peers and pulling helped me forget.
Hey,my name is Caroline and I’m 16 years old. I had trichotillomania my whole life, starting with my eyelashes.I never really knew what I was doing but I would be punished for it. Then I stopped for a good 4 years. I once had long thick hair and now it’s next to nothing.I remember the exact day — my babysitter told me about split ends and I loved how I could pull them apart and just look at them. My hair was short at the time and I looked and I realized if I pulled it out it felt good. I kept on doing that for years. Soon I had bald spots and little fuzzy hair. I’d have a mullet basically. It was terrible.It was made of four years andyears.My friends, family had no idea what was happening with me, until I chopped off my hair. It was the best thing that changed my life.I just started getting help about 2 months ago and I’m on medication for it. It’s not really stopping the pulling altogether but it helps me stress less. No one really knew what was wrong with me and I never knew anyone else. Last year at school we had the 9th grade health class and they talked about people with trichotillomania and I began watching silently then I got my first hair cut short and I looked normal. I had no idea that there were other people like me. I hope I could do this my son but really I can’t, I need help and I’m getting it.LoveCaroline
