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My Friend Is Hair Pulling And I Want To Help
Thank you, kind person, you’ve come to the right place. Your skin-picking or hair-pulling friend is lucky to have you and you’re doing a great thing.
SUPPORTING A FRIEND WITH A BFRB
It can be really difficult to tell someone you pull your hair or eyelashes out, so if your loved one has confided in you it’s a good sign that they really care about you. Repay the compliment by showing them you understand and won’t judge.
Many people go through life without discussing pulling with their partners and family. If you suspect someone you care about is pulling their hair, maybe you could take the first step and mention it. You needn’t ask directly, but could mention you’ve seen this website, a magazine article or a show about trichotillomania – the official term for hair pulling.
Patience is an important asset for dealing with someone who has trichotillomania or any other BFRB. Like any habit or tic, hair pulling is difficult to stop and relapses are common.
Listening Without Judgment
It can be hard to listen without judgement, but that is a friend’s role – to cheerlead and encourage but also to have those difficult conversations when they need to be had.
When you have that difficult conversation, please be gentle and understanding.
When hair pulling is really bad, consider your friend to be wearing a badge that says “extra kindness needed”.
Encouraging Healthy Habits and Alternatives
Can you do a mindfulness course or a yoga course together?
Listen to a guided meditation together or just go for a walk and talk while walking, rather than discussing it with them full-on face-to-face.
Encouraging Professional Help
You might think about saying something like: “I’ve been noticing that you’ve been having a tough time lately, and I want you to know that I’m here for you. Sometimes, talking to a professional can really make a difference. They can offer support and tools that friends and family might not be able to provide. There’s no shame in seeking help—it’s a sign of strength. I found this great website for you where you can make an appointment online, can we make an appointment together? I could attend the first one with you, if it helps.
I’m here to support you in whatever way you need. Whether it’s helping you find someone to talk to or just being there to listen, I’ve got your back”.
Avoiding Harmful Comments or Actions
Take care not to say anything which can be taken badly. If you don’t know what to say, don’t be afraid to admit that. Commonly, people who pull their hair out are super sensitive and may take things personally. Try to avoid using that old, familiar proverb “You must be tearing your hair out” or asking if pulling hurts – sometimes it does but usually people with trichotillomania feel a pleasant sensation when pulling, rather than pain.
Respecting Their Privacy and Boundaries
If you need someone to talk to yourself, please contact us. It is absolutely imperative that you don’t tell anyone else who knows your friend, what they have told you in confidence. You are a respected supporter – don’t do anything to jeopardise that, but also remember that you too will need support. Take it from a professional, please! You wouldn’t want your deepest secret shared, even if the person you confided in needed support – which is only natural.